I had to give birth to my beautiful son Hugo 16 weeks early because of severe HELLP syndrome and severe pre-eclampsia. This rare pregnancy complication nearly claimed my life, and took the life of my precious baby, Hugo.
I had never heard of HELLP before my diagnosis, and my family and friends had not heard of it either.
While nothing more could have been done to help Hugo, who fought for life for 35 days, HELLP is so serious I am raising awareness of it in his memory.
After all, it is impossible to know the symptoms of a condition you don’t even know exists.
The letters in the name HELLP stand for each part of the condition:
* ‘H’ is for haemolysis – this is where the red blood cells in the blood break down
* ‘EL’ is for elevated liver enzymes (proteins) – a high number of enzymes in the liver is a sign of liver damage
* ‘LP’ is for low platelet count – platelets are cells in the blood that help it to clot.
The syndrome is usually a complication of pre-eclampsia. Like pre-eclampsia, it can happen only in pregnancy. It is most likely to occur immediately after the baby is delivered, but can appear any time after 20 weeks of pregnancy, and in rare cases before 20 weeks.
HELLP syndrome and preeclampsia can and does kill mothers and babies. The only way to treat both conditions is to deliver the baby as soon as possible, no matter what stage of pregnancy the mum-to-be is at.
The symptoms of HELLP syndrome are outlined below.
* Heartburn/indigestion with pain after eating
* Swelling, and sudden weight gain
* Shoulder pain or pain when breathing deeply
* Malaise, or a feeling that something ‘isn’t right’
* Pain under the right side of the ribs
* Headache and changes in vision
* Bleeding
Other signs of pre-eclampsia include high blood pressure and protein in the urine. This is why it is vital pregnant women attend their routine community midwife appointments, as these are always checked.
I started developing symptoms at 23 weeks. I had what I thought was heartburn (it was actually my liver starting to fail), I was putting on weight (it was actually excess fluid caused by my failing kidneys) and just felt generally rotten. I’d put it all down to normal pregnancy symptoms.
The only symptom I couldn’t really explain away was the breathlessness. I was sufficiently concerned about it to look it up on Google – preeclampsia was one suggestion. I dismissed it because I didn’t have the ‘classic’ symptoms of a headache and flashing lights – and besides, I was so early in my pregnancy. I thought it only happened in later pregnancy. How wrong I was.
I never actually developed a headache or visual disturbances.
As I’ve described with my own experience, many of the symptoms in the list above are easy to confuse with common pregnancy discomforts. I would like to balance raising awareness with not frightening pregnant women, or giving them more to worry about as for most women, they will be genuine pregnancy aches.
Therefore, the most important message is:
If you are at all worried about anything during pregnancy, or if something ‘just doesn’t feel right’, call your midwife, or GP. Your midwife or GP shouldn’t mind, and if they do – insist.
All it takes are a few simple checks (that could include taking your blood pressure, dipping your urine sample and checking your baby’s heartbeat). This is most likely to help put your mind at rest, and you can go home and look forward to your baby’s arrival.
If, in the rare event you do have something like pre-eclampsia or HELLP, the earlier it is diagnosed, the earlier it can be treated. This means you will get better quicker, and it could help your baby too.
Fortunately, I had a routine 24 week community midwife appointment just a few days after the symptoms appeared. I had made a mental note to mention the discomforts I had recently developed, and especially to ask for a stronger heartburn medicine as regular over-the-counter supplies were doing nothing for me.
My midwife was vigilant, picked up on my high blood pressure and protein in my urine, and combined with the other symptoms I’d complained of sent me straight to hospital.
Hugo had to be delivered to prevent my organs failing – I would have died, and Hugo would have had no chance at life.
Pre-eclampsia affects about 5% of pregnancies, and severe cases afflict about 2%. A smaller percentage will develop HELLP, and the number of women who will develop pre-eclampsia and HELLP at 24 weeks as I did, is even more remote.
There are some women who are considered to be a higher risk, such as those who are aged over 35, previous high blood pressure, first pregnancy, preeclampsia in a previous pregnancy, being overweight and having certain pre-existing conditions, such as lupus.
I had three of these risks – I am aged over 35, it was my first pregnancy, and I am overweight. My blood pressure before – and for 22 weeks of my pregnancy – was on the low side of normal. HELLP syndrome struck very suddenly.
For all these risk groups however, preeclampsia and HELLP syndrome do not discriminate. No one really knows why certain women get it, and it’s perfectly possible to fall victim without being in one of these risk groups.
There is no way to screen for or prevent preeclampsia and HELLP syndrome. The best thing to do is be aware of the signs and symptoms and seek help from your midwife or doctor if you are worried – and make sure you attend all your antenatal appointments.
This post was written by Leigh and you can find her blog by clicking here :)
Showing posts with label guest posts. Show all posts
Showing posts with label guest posts. Show all posts
Thursday, 4 September 2014
Tuesday, 15 July 2014
Guest Post // SEO Tips - Beginners Guide
The Beginner's Guide to SEO for Parenting Bloggers
Getting your blog noticed is one of the biggest challenges for any parenting blogger. As much as you tell yourself, and others, that you're doing it for fun - if you're reading this, you know readers are the lifeblood of what you do and you need to use a mix of strategies to lure them in... Great content is number one. Social media, also vital. And now SEO is crucial too.
As my day job is an online content writer (I write sales pages, product descriptions and blog posts for online retailers) I've become pretty accustomed to the term SEO and what it means for business websites, but it can definitely be put to use for blogs as well.
The problem is, SEO practices can be pretty complex (although some, like correctly naming your images, are easy-peasy) and even the official term 'search engine optimisation' is likely to make the admittedly less web-savvy of you feel queasy! So... I'm going to try and guide you through exactly what SEO is, where it can be used, and how it can benefit you as a Mummy blogger - without scaring you off the whole topic.
What is SEO and why should I use it?
SEO stands for 'Search Engine Optimisation'. It is the process of writing or rewriting web content (in this case your blog content) so that it stands the highest chance of being picked up by the search engines and, hopefully, placed at the top of their rankings - the ultimate SEO goal!
Say you wanted to write an article about 'family days out', you would use SEO techniques in the hope of getting your article at the top of 'Google' should anyone search 'family days out' - the 'keyphrase'. This is because the higher your article is listed on Google, the more likely it is that people will click on and view your page. I don't know about you but I rarely click onto the second page of Google results - I just try another search term!
By using SEO techniques, you are basically giving your blog content an increased chance of being seen. It does take time, but if you really do want more readers, it's worthwhile doing. If you use SEO correctly, it also helps bring you RELEVANT readers, these are people who are searching for the sort of content you are writing, so they are more likely to spend longer reading your article.
How do search engines produce their listings?
This is where it gets confusing and, to be honest, unless you are feeling really nerdy, I wouldn't bother trying to understand it completely.... Search engines, like Google, are constantly changing how they produce their search listings and releasing new 'algorithms'.
Fortunately, there are some pieces of information that the search engines will always look at to decide what your content is about and whether it should be on page 1 or 101 of Google for the search term you are targeting.
Haven't lost you yet?! Let’s look at some examples of SEO in action:
Where should SEO be used?
Here are the places Google looks for the 'keyphrase' around your site, or on an individual article. These are places you should use the 'keyphrase' that you would like to list highly for (let's go back to that 'family days out' example):
Blog Post/Site Title
Bad: Places To Visit With Your Family
Good: The Guide to Family Days Out
Body of Page/Post Text
You should use your keyphrase throughout our blog content - but in a natural, reader friendly way. You don't want to just enter it willy-nilly or hide it in your sidebars (that's called 'Black Hat' and can negatively impact on your efforts). If you can start your first paragraph with it, that's an added bonus.
URL
Search engines will look at the URL of your blog post to see if there are any relevant keywords there. Using your post title is a good way to make your URL but if it's too long and needs to be shortened just be sure to keep the keyphrase in there somehow:
www.exampleSEOurl.com/the-guide-to-family-days-out
This is all the information that search engines take into account but cannot usually been seen from the front end by your readers. This data needs to be unique for each post in order to give you the best chances of ranking well.
Meta Description - This is the description of your post. If you don't write it yourself, using an SEO plugin for example, then Google will take the first few lines of your blog and use that. Producing a description yourself allows you to target your 'keyphrase' more effectively.
Alt tag of images - This is the alternative test that will display if your images do not show (due to a loading error or similar). Using your keyphrase here also boosts your SEO.
Image name - To further boost your SEO chances, use your keyphrase in the name of your images rather than just 'DSC-072-22' etc. I do realise that I am yet to practice what I preach on my site! All my images have gobbledigook names... FAIL.
How am I going to remember all that?
Like I said, I produce SEO content for my job... and yet I’m a little overwhelmed by the idea of using it effectively on my blog, mostly due to the time it takes. I would highly recommend using plug-ins to make the whole process faster and more straightforward. You can then use at least use a plug-in to check your most important articles are optimised as best they can be. As a wordpress user I rate the Wordpress SEO by Yoast plug-in as it checks your content as you go along and gives you an indicator of how well the content is holding up in SEO terms; you don’t have to remember all the aspects yourself.
How quickly will I see results?
Once you understand exactly where you can optimise your content most effectively, don’t worry too much about the content you have already published - get cracking on using these techniques going forward (yes, I’ll get on it myself soon too... promise). Unfortunately, after all this effort Google can still take weeks to rank posts based on your SEO efforts, so you can’t make any changes to old content ranking fast. You can make sure your new content helps you move forward though.
So, that’s all there is to know about SEO?
Afraid not. All this is only really touching the surface of SEO and there are many other elements that can also be used to increase your Google rankings - including social media and link building. If this post has been any help and you’d like another article looking at these aspects, please leave a comment and let me know.
Also, if you have liked this guide, it would be awesome if you could head over to my Bloglovin and give me a like, follow me on Twitter or just say ‘hi’ over on my blog - Songs, Silliness and Such. You're welcome to come and enjoy the less stressful side of my writing or just visit to coo at my cutie boy :)
Saskia x
Friday, 11 July 2014
Guest Post // Pre-Eclampsia
Pre-Eclampsia is a confusing one.. I know I had ignored my warning signs for a few weeks & it was only at a routine MW appointment it was discovered. It can be really hard to tell what's normal & what's not...often swollen feet, headaches & nausea are part and parcel of being pregnant. So it's always good to clue yourself up on other symptoms and signs & if you have a few of them go see your MW.
Pre-Eclampsia is a condition that only occurs during pregnancy - to put it simply it is 'disease of the placenta' & the only cure is delivery of the baby & placenta.
Some warning signs of Pre-E that you can look out for yourself are;
- swelling of the feet/hands
- headaches
- nausea/vomiting
- abdominal/shoulder pain
- lower back pain
- sudden weight gain
- shortness of breath
- changes in vision
Other symptoms that you may not necessarily know about but may be picked up at a MW appointment are;
- protein in urine
- high blood pressure
Many of these symptoms are normal in pregnancy - I know I had swelling, headaches, vomiting, lower back pain, shortness of breath, changes in my vision (I was having black spots & floaters) & non of these particularly worried me-in the later stages of pregnancy I just thought it was to be expected! It really is important to catch Pre-E though as if it is left untreated it can turn into Eclampsia which leads to seizures & (not to use scare tactics but) is life threatening for Mummy & baby.
People that are more at risk of Pre-Eclampsia are;
- first time mums
- women who have previously had pre-eclampsia
- women that have blood clotting disorders
- having a close relative that had Pre-E
- being over weight
- women that are carrying twins/triplets... Or more
- being over 40
I was bang on 40 weeks when my Midwife discovered I had Pre-Eclampsia so the sensible & safe option for me was to be induced & deliver my baby. My blood pressure continued to rise even after delivery of Mini Meldrum & it took 3 days in hospital to stabilise it & a 6 further weeks of medication (& weekly dr's visits) to keep it at a safe level.
Hopefully this time round I will avoid Pre-E but I will be looking out for any warning signs & visiting my MW straight away should any arise. I hope after reading this that you will do the same!
Today's Guest Post was written by Rebecca from Mrs Meldrum, such an informative post. I sufffered too. You can view her blog here, Twitter here and BlogLovin here. If you would like to write a post for us, please contact via twitter or email thank you :)
Pre-Eclampsia is a condition that only occurs during pregnancy - to put it simply it is 'disease of the placenta' & the only cure is delivery of the baby & placenta.
Some warning signs of Pre-E that you can look out for yourself are;
- swelling of the feet/hands
- headaches
- nausea/vomiting
- abdominal/shoulder pain
- lower back pain
- sudden weight gain
- shortness of breath
- changes in vision
Other symptoms that you may not necessarily know about but may be picked up at a MW appointment are;
- protein in urine
- high blood pressure
Many of these symptoms are normal in pregnancy - I know I had swelling, headaches, vomiting, lower back pain, shortness of breath, changes in my vision (I was having black spots & floaters) & non of these particularly worried me-in the later stages of pregnancy I just thought it was to be expected! It really is important to catch Pre-E though as if it is left untreated it can turn into Eclampsia which leads to seizures & (not to use scare tactics but) is life threatening for Mummy & baby.
People that are more at risk of Pre-Eclampsia are;
- first time mums
- women who have previously had pre-eclampsia
- women that have blood clotting disorders
- having a close relative that had Pre-E
- being over weight
- women that are carrying twins/triplets... Or more
- being over 40
I was bang on 40 weeks when my Midwife discovered I had Pre-Eclampsia so the sensible & safe option for me was to be induced & deliver my baby. My blood pressure continued to rise even after delivery of Mini Meldrum & it took 3 days in hospital to stabilise it & a 6 further weeks of medication (& weekly dr's visits) to keep it at a safe level.
Hopefully this time round I will avoid Pre-E but I will be looking out for any warning signs & visiting my MW straight away should any arise. I hope after reading this that you will do the same!
Sunday, 6 July 2014
Guest Post // Making Mummy Friends
Isolation. New mum. These words often find themselves in the same sentence whether it's in the press, baby magazines, on TV, in conversation. There always seems to be a lot of discussion around the topic and now that I've become a new mum I can see why.
My case was always going to be a bit different as I had to move from London to Portsmouth 2-3 weeks before giving birth due to my husbands job. All the midwives we saw down here thought we were crazy especially when Isla came a week early!! But we're used to moving so try to take it in our stride.
I've moved around quite a bit throughout my life and have always eventually managed to settle wherever I am. So when people started chatting about having to get out and about and make new friends I thought that I'd be pretty practised in it. I don't think I fully appreciated how different making friends is when you're 'someone's mum' rather than just you and the only thing you have in common with the people you meet (to begin with) is your babies.
When we lived in London it was go go go all the time. I worked 9-5 Monday to Friday in a busy retail head office and had made really close friends there. I had close friends and a few best friends from other places I'd lived who were living in London. We met even more friends through friends as a couple and through Rob's work as well. To be honest at times it was so hard to keep up with everyone! Week nights filled up just as fast as weekends and it was lovely to always have plans.
Cue a huge big shock when not only had I just had a baby (which let's face it, no matter how prepared you think you are, it rocks your world a little!!) and gone on maternity leave, we'd also just moved away from where we'd lived for the past 4 years. The sudden realisation that I didn't have any friends and had a new baby to stay at home with all the time threw me into a bit of a feeling-sorry-for-myself state of isolation. I've also always been really independent with my social life and having to adjust to being dependent on Rob for social interaction in the evenings has been hard.
I'm rubbish at being at home alone at the best of times. When I was working I was rarely ever off sick and even when I had bronchitis I had to be forced off work and got bored after a day at home! So, to begin with, looking at my beautiful new bundle of joy whilst on my own at home filled me with a sense of dread rather than excitement.
We do have Rob's brother and our sister in law and nephew near by which is really lovely but they obviously work during the day so I had to begin a mission to try and get out there and meet people.
I knew that if I didn't get up every day, shower, put make up on and get into some sort of routine with Isla that I'd end up in a vicious cycle of feeling alone, isolated and sorry for myself. I figured as long as I was doing something with my days then that would be a start on the road to trying to settle here.
We're lucky in the sense that Isla is pretty well behaved and loves the car. If I couldn't take her out and about in the car without her screaming I'm pretty sure I'd be a lonely, isolated recluse by now.
I started scoping out baby groups on google and Facebook and got a lot of info from my health visitor on what goes on baby wise around the area. In a way it's lucky that there are a lot of groups, classes and things that go on around here.
I started off slowly and went to a stay and play session at a sure start centre with a neighbour who has a one year old. It was good and there was a whole range of ages of kids there. The parents didn't really talk to each other much but it was fine as I chatted with my neighbour lots who is so lovely and has been a great help so far. She popped a note through our door one day when we moved in and has been really friendly ever since!!
The next week I found an NCT group specifically for babies that was being run at the local library so I thought that might be good as it would be all babies rather than a range of ages. I tried to go along two weeks in a row but had meltdowns with Isla that meant I didn't leave the house which was upsetting. Eventually I went along one week and everyone was sitting in a circle. They all looked like they knew each other and we're chatting away which filled me with a horrible anxiety (I'm sure most new mums have felt at one point or another!). I tried to join in the chats as much as possible but at times I was left just sitting there wondering what to do as Isla was sound asleep and I was just sitting there in silence. I didn't want to look like I was overly talking but at the same time didn't want to look quiet, it was hard to find a balance whilst really nervous! At the end of the group two girls came up and started speaking which was nice and told me about another group they went to at the nursery they worked at. They also asked my name and said they'd find me on Facebook.
I went along to that group the following week and it was a really nice group. Very chatty and the person running it also did a bit of an info session on weaning. They do different ones every week. There's also a little sensory room for the babies which Isla loved. And there were also lots of sensory toys and pillows to prop the babies up on which is lovely for them.
This past week I went to another group at a church hall that I had heard was a good one. They were nicely organised, had tea and coffee etc and lots of toys for the kids and were pretty chatty.
I like getting out of the house and Isla is loving the social interaction with other babies but I don't feel like I'm getting very far with making actual friends. There seems to be different people at the groups every week which makes it hard and I think that often people are just going to these groups to fill time as they already have their own friends and family in the area. The two girls I met at the NCT one the first time, who are really nice and friendly, have given me their numbers and we're hopefully doing something after the group next week.
You do start wondering if you're worth being friends with when people don't seem to take you on which doesn't do much for the old self esteem which is bruised and battered after having a baby anyway! It can be hard to gauge whether people actually like you when it's all about the babies.
It's obviously a lovely thing that we all have babies in common but it's just finding out whether you have more in common with people other that just babes in order to form proper friendships.
I really miss not having family around at this time too, I think that's making it even harder. I hope that for the next baba (if there's one!) that we'll be closer to my home.
I'm now looking at baby yoga, baby sensory and swimming classes to fill our days with too. There's also a baby PEEP class that my health visitor recommended we go to as it's a good one for baby development. Talk about filling time up just to be out of the house!!
I also made such lovely friends at my antenatal class in London so I'm planning to travel up once a month to see them and their beautiful babies, which is a nice escape!
I've been up to London on my own in the car with Isla to see friends a couple times so at least I know I can do that when I'm missing them and London town.
I guess I maybe need to accept that, whilst on maternity leave, I can't force friendships and they will hopefully just come with time. When I start a new job there will be also be another avenue to hopefully meet people through.
I always have this beautiful little creature to keep me company too...
How have you all found making mummy friends? Does it help having family and friends in the area already?
Today's Guest Post was written by Sarah from The Knott Bump & Us, what a great post and can totally relate. You can view her blog here, Twitter here and BlogLovin here. If you would like to write a post for us, please contact via twitter or email thank you :)
My case was always going to be a bit different as I had to move from London to Portsmouth 2-3 weeks before giving birth due to my husbands job. All the midwives we saw down here thought we were crazy especially when Isla came a week early!! But we're used to moving so try to take it in our stride.
I've moved around quite a bit throughout my life and have always eventually managed to settle wherever I am. So when people started chatting about having to get out and about and make new friends I thought that I'd be pretty practised in it. I don't think I fully appreciated how different making friends is when you're 'someone's mum' rather than just you and the only thing you have in common with the people you meet (to begin with) is your babies.
When we lived in London it was go go go all the time. I worked 9-5 Monday to Friday in a busy retail head office and had made really close friends there. I had close friends and a few best friends from other places I'd lived who were living in London. We met even more friends through friends as a couple and through Rob's work as well. To be honest at times it was so hard to keep up with everyone! Week nights filled up just as fast as weekends and it was lovely to always have plans.
Cue a huge big shock when not only had I just had a baby (which let's face it, no matter how prepared you think you are, it rocks your world a little!!) and gone on maternity leave, we'd also just moved away from where we'd lived for the past 4 years. The sudden realisation that I didn't have any friends and had a new baby to stay at home with all the time threw me into a bit of a feeling-sorry-for-myself state of isolation. I've also always been really independent with my social life and having to adjust to being dependent on Rob for social interaction in the evenings has been hard.
I'm rubbish at being at home alone at the best of times. When I was working I was rarely ever off sick and even when I had bronchitis I had to be forced off work and got bored after a day at home! So, to begin with, looking at my beautiful new bundle of joy whilst on my own at home filled me with a sense of dread rather than excitement.
We do have Rob's brother and our sister in law and nephew near by which is really lovely but they obviously work during the day so I had to begin a mission to try and get out there and meet people.
I knew that if I didn't get up every day, shower, put make up on and get into some sort of routine with Isla that I'd end up in a vicious cycle of feeling alone, isolated and sorry for myself. I figured as long as I was doing something with my days then that would be a start on the road to trying to settle here.
We're lucky in the sense that Isla is pretty well behaved and loves the car. If I couldn't take her out and about in the car without her screaming I'm pretty sure I'd be a lonely, isolated recluse by now.
I started scoping out baby groups on google and Facebook and got a lot of info from my health visitor on what goes on baby wise around the area. In a way it's lucky that there are a lot of groups, classes and things that go on around here.
I started off slowly and went to a stay and play session at a sure start centre with a neighbour who has a one year old. It was good and there was a whole range of ages of kids there. The parents didn't really talk to each other much but it was fine as I chatted with my neighbour lots who is so lovely and has been a great help so far. She popped a note through our door one day when we moved in and has been really friendly ever since!!
The next week I found an NCT group specifically for babies that was being run at the local library so I thought that might be good as it would be all babies rather than a range of ages. I tried to go along two weeks in a row but had meltdowns with Isla that meant I didn't leave the house which was upsetting. Eventually I went along one week and everyone was sitting in a circle. They all looked like they knew each other and we're chatting away which filled me with a horrible anxiety (I'm sure most new mums have felt at one point or another!). I tried to join in the chats as much as possible but at times I was left just sitting there wondering what to do as Isla was sound asleep and I was just sitting there in silence. I didn't want to look like I was overly talking but at the same time didn't want to look quiet, it was hard to find a balance whilst really nervous! At the end of the group two girls came up and started speaking which was nice and told me about another group they went to at the nursery they worked at. They also asked my name and said they'd find me on Facebook.
I went along to that group the following week and it was a really nice group. Very chatty and the person running it also did a bit of an info session on weaning. They do different ones every week. There's also a little sensory room for the babies which Isla loved. And there were also lots of sensory toys and pillows to prop the babies up on which is lovely for them.
This past week I went to another group at a church hall that I had heard was a good one. They were nicely organised, had tea and coffee etc and lots of toys for the kids and were pretty chatty.
I like getting out of the house and Isla is loving the social interaction with other babies but I don't feel like I'm getting very far with making actual friends. There seems to be different people at the groups every week which makes it hard and I think that often people are just going to these groups to fill time as they already have their own friends and family in the area. The two girls I met at the NCT one the first time, who are really nice and friendly, have given me their numbers and we're hopefully doing something after the group next week.
You do start wondering if you're worth being friends with when people don't seem to take you on which doesn't do much for the old self esteem which is bruised and battered after having a baby anyway! It can be hard to gauge whether people actually like you when it's all about the babies.
It's obviously a lovely thing that we all have babies in common but it's just finding out whether you have more in common with people other that just babes in order to form proper friendships.
I really miss not having family around at this time too, I think that's making it even harder. I hope that for the next baba (if there's one!) that we'll be closer to my home.
I'm now looking at baby yoga, baby sensory and swimming classes to fill our days with too. There's also a baby PEEP class that my health visitor recommended we go to as it's a good one for baby development. Talk about filling time up just to be out of the house!!
I also made such lovely friends at my antenatal class in London so I'm planning to travel up once a month to see them and their beautiful babies, which is a nice escape!
I've been up to London on my own in the car with Isla to see friends a couple times so at least I know I can do that when I'm missing them and London town.
I guess I maybe need to accept that, whilst on maternity leave, I can't force friendships and they will hopefully just come with time. When I start a new job there will be also be another avenue to hopefully meet people through.
I always have this beautiful little creature to keep me company too...
How have you all found making mummy friends? Does it help having family and friends in the area already?
Saturday, 24 May 2014
Guest Post // To Ground Or Not?!
Welcome,
At the minute we are having a pretty tough time with Ellie, she is 9yo and well as my mum would say to me (when i was a teen bear in mind!!) her ''attitude stinks''.
So this week that was it I, had enough and I grounded her, something I promised my teenage self I would never do!
BUT
She has been pushing her luck (and my buttons) for over a week...she knows what she is doing...she knows right from wrong...she also knows that what ever I say I wont follow through, but guess what? This time she pushed it to far...this time she WAS grounded!!
I wont go into the details (it would take to long!!) but it basically started because I said she couldn't take her phone to my Nans (she stays every Thursday).
The grounding came after days of hearing, sorry being screamed at 'dont even love me' and 'just say no because I don't love her' and her ridiculous screaming and tantrums like a 2yo at being asked to do the smallest thing...like erm changing her underwear...brushing her hair...bringing her washing down! Tidying her room! Emptying her lunch-box! All small chores, nothing to taxing, for an independent 9 year old to do.
I know some of you will be saying 'shes just a kid', 'all kids do it'...but every day? screaming and kicking off? Standing on the stairs whilst I'm in a different room shouting 'dont kill me, don't hit me'...I remember my sister (now 22...yes, YOU Roxy (if your reading this!!!) shouting all this rubbish at my Mum, I remember laughing thinking it was quite funny! But when its happening to you, in this day, when Social Services can turn up at your door for anything? It scares the shit out of me! The things she will do to get a reaction, to get me to give her some attention!
So anyway she got her reaction, her phone (she has had a mobile-phone for around 6mth to keep in touch with her Dad and his side of her family, and also for us to keep in touch with her when she goes away to visit them), her tablet was taken away as was her TV AND CD player...Harsh? Well I didn't stop there, she was also NOT allowed to go to Brownies or any of her after school clubs...and our new found 'Date Night' was cancelled (Something I was GUTTED about, I was looking forward to a girly evening having some tea just the 2 of us!)
Her behaviour didn't improve the next day and I kicked myself...now she has nothing to lose why should she behave? What did I now have to say behave or......I may have, ahem, peaked to soon!
I had to think quick, but I couldn't think, I was too upset and I did something I shouldn't have done I sat and I cried...in fact I bawled, I know I shouldn't have let her see that she had ''won'' but that was it I was done...I cried and I told her to go to her room and she huffed and ran upstairs...Jenson (3) came for a squeezey hug and wiped my tears away, Ellie stayed up in her room for an hour or so before coming down and apologising, saying sorry off her own back! Since then she has behaved and now, as I write this, the day of un-grounding has come round, she has had everything back and the slate wiped clean. Her behaviour has been alot better, I know its only a few evenings of good behaviour but I think it has worked.
What do you do to punish your older children? A few pointers would be great!!
Today's Guest Post was written by Becky from 3 Princesses and 1 Dude, a great post (I dread the day I have to ground my C) - visit her blog here, Twitter here and BlogLovin here. If you would like to write a post for us, please contact via twitter or email thank you :)
At the minute we are having a pretty tough time with Ellie, she is 9yo and well as my mum would say to me (when i was a teen bear in mind!!) her ''attitude stinks''.
So this week that was it I, had enough and I grounded her, something I promised my teenage self I would never do!
She has been pushing her luck (and my buttons) for over a week...she knows what she is doing...she knows right from wrong...she also knows that what ever I say I wont follow through, but guess what? This time she pushed it to far...this time she WAS grounded!!
I wont go into the details (it would take to long!!) but it basically started because I said she couldn't take her phone to my Nans (she stays every Thursday).
The grounding came after days of hearing, sorry being screamed at 'dont even love me' and 'just say no because I don't love her' and her ridiculous screaming and tantrums like a 2yo at being asked to do the smallest thing...like erm changing her underwear...brushing her hair...bringing her washing down! Tidying her room! Emptying her lunch-box! All small chores, nothing to taxing, for an independent 9 year old to do.
I know some of you will be saying 'shes just a kid', 'all kids do it'...but every day? screaming and kicking off? Standing on the stairs whilst I'm in a different room shouting 'dont kill me, don't hit me'...I remember my sister (now 22...yes, YOU Roxy (if your reading this!!!) shouting all this rubbish at my Mum, I remember laughing thinking it was quite funny! But when its happening to you, in this day, when Social Services can turn up at your door for anything? It scares the shit out of me! The things she will do to get a reaction, to get me to give her some attention!
So anyway she got her reaction, her phone (she has had a mobile-phone for around 6mth to keep in touch with her Dad and his side of her family, and also for us to keep in touch with her when she goes away to visit them), her tablet was taken away as was her TV AND CD player...Harsh? Well I didn't stop there, she was also NOT allowed to go to Brownies or any of her after school clubs...and our new found 'Date Night' was cancelled (Something I was GUTTED about, I was looking forward to a girly evening having some tea just the 2 of us!)
Her behaviour didn't improve the next day and I kicked myself...now she has nothing to lose why should she behave? What did I now have to say behave or......I may have, ahem, peaked to soon!
I had to think quick, but I couldn't think, I was too upset and I did something I shouldn't have done I sat and I cried...in fact I bawled, I know I shouldn't have let her see that she had ''won'' but that was it I was done...I cried and I told her to go to her room and she huffed and ran upstairs...Jenson (3) came for a squeezey hug and wiped my tears away, Ellie stayed up in her room for an hour or so before coming down and apologising, saying sorry off her own back! Since then she has behaved and now, as I write this, the day of un-grounding has come round, she has had everything back and the slate wiped clean. Her behaviour has been alot better, I know its only a few evenings of good behaviour but I think it has worked.
What do you do to punish your older children? A few pointers would be great!!
Sunday, 18 May 2014
Guest Post // To Find Out Baby Sex Or Not?!
Welcome,
To find out, or not to find out? That is the question.
Here at Lamb & Bear, we have two different stories to tell, both exciting and both equally as special. Enjoy.
Vicky's story
+(1).jpg)
We were very much ‘on the fence’ with finding out.
I remember walking around Next at 18 weeks pregnant, thinking how much easier it would be to find out the sex of the baby. I’m a natural organiser, so it would have made perfect sense to find out.
Even on the drive to our 20 week scan, we were still unsure. So we came up with a little plan...
Armed with a piece of plain paper and an envelope, we asked the ultrasound technician to write down the sex of the baby and seal it away.
We left our 20 week scan with our fuzzy ultrasound photo, and our white envelope. I was absolutely buzzing.
My theory was, if we really wanted to find out, then we would look. The 20 week scan is only half way, so if we decided further down the line to find out then we could.
But, you know what? We never got the urge to look, not one bit. I loved not knowing. As my bump grew, all I cared about was my little baby growing inside me. I didn’t need to know whether they were a boy or a girl. That would be my surprise at the end.
I had a 3 day labour. It was pretty tiring, but that unknown made me work that little bit harder.
There aren’t many happy surprises left in life, but this was one. That moment when Matt told me through teary eyes that we had a little girl, will be the best moment of my life. It still brings a lump to my throat.
Then you have the magical moments of telling all your family and friends. Yep, bring on more lumpy throats.
I wouldn’t swap any of these moments for the world.
Alex's story
Anyone who knows me, knows I'm pretty impatient. In fact very impatient. So no surprise when I found out the sex of our baby at the 20 week scan. Deep down, I knew I was having a boy, call it mother's intuition, but I was so sure.
As much as I wanted to know, I would only find out if Joe was sure too. I strongly believe it should be the decision of both parents. As much as one wants to know, if the other doesn't they should respect that. Luckily for me Joe couldn't wait to find out!
Holding hands and walking in silence, we were both as nervous as each other. This was it. The moment had finally arrived, was beansprout pink or blue? Days had been spent disagreeing over names, struggling to find ones we liked, at least now we could eliminate 50% of them!
While we were waiting for the scan, Joe turned to me asked what I thought we were having. After a minute of mumbling 'I want a boy, but it could be a girl, blah, blah', I plucked up the courage to say 'boy'. (I hate being wrong, so really didn't make a final decision). He turned to me and said 'so do I'. We smiled at each other. I don't know why, but it's like we already knew.
Well, we were right! On that tiny screen was our beautiful baby boy. Our little blue beansprout.
A lot of people said to me 'don't you want a surprise?' I always replied with 'it's a surprise either way'. Whether you find out at the scan or wait until the baby is born, it's a surprise, just as special, and just as emotional.
So if you are undecided about finding out the sex, why not try Vicky's idea and seal it in an envelope? Or if, you really want to know then go for it! Knowing the sex of my baby allowed me to bond with the little boy growing in my belly. (And also meant daddy had to redecorate the spare room to be more suited for a boy! Pale pink just wasn't acceptable for my little blue beansprout). But not finding out, meant Vicky and Matt had an amazing surprise at the end, making those 9 months worth the wait.
Oh, and did I mention, I told Vicky she was having a girl all along?! I love being right ;)
Today's Guest Post was written by Vicky & Alex from Lamb & Bear, what a great post to see the difference - visit their blog here, Twitter here and BlogLovin here. If you would like to write a post for us, please contact via twitter or email thank you :)
To find out, or not to find out? That is the question.
Here at Lamb & Bear, we have two different stories to tell, both exciting and both equally as special. Enjoy.
Vicky's story
+(1).jpg)
We were very much ‘on the fence’ with finding out.
I remember walking around Next at 18 weeks pregnant, thinking how much easier it would be to find out the sex of the baby. I’m a natural organiser, so it would have made perfect sense to find out.
Even on the drive to our 20 week scan, we were still unsure. So we came up with a little plan...
Armed with a piece of plain paper and an envelope, we asked the ultrasound technician to write down the sex of the baby and seal it away.
We left our 20 week scan with our fuzzy ultrasound photo, and our white envelope. I was absolutely buzzing.
My theory was, if we really wanted to find out, then we would look. The 20 week scan is only half way, so if we decided further down the line to find out then we could.
But, you know what? We never got the urge to look, not one bit. I loved not knowing. As my bump grew, all I cared about was my little baby growing inside me. I didn’t need to know whether they were a boy or a girl. That would be my surprise at the end.
I had a 3 day labour. It was pretty tiring, but that unknown made me work that little bit harder.
There aren’t many happy surprises left in life, but this was one. That moment when Matt told me through teary eyes that we had a little girl, will be the best moment of my life. It still brings a lump to my throat.
Then you have the magical moments of telling all your family and friends. Yep, bring on more lumpy throats.
I wouldn’t swap any of these moments for the world.
Alex's story
Anyone who knows me, knows I'm pretty impatient. In fact very impatient. So no surprise when I found out the sex of our baby at the 20 week scan. Deep down, I knew I was having a boy, call it mother's intuition, but I was so sure.
As much as I wanted to know, I would only find out if Joe was sure too. I strongly believe it should be the decision of both parents. As much as one wants to know, if the other doesn't they should respect that. Luckily for me Joe couldn't wait to find out!
Holding hands and walking in silence, we were both as nervous as each other. This was it. The moment had finally arrived, was beansprout pink or blue? Days had been spent disagreeing over names, struggling to find ones we liked, at least now we could eliminate 50% of them!
While we were waiting for the scan, Joe turned to me asked what I thought we were having. After a minute of mumbling 'I want a boy, but it could be a girl, blah, blah', I plucked up the courage to say 'boy'. (I hate being wrong, so really didn't make a final decision). He turned to me and said 'so do I'. We smiled at each other. I don't know why, but it's like we already knew.
Well, we were right! On that tiny screen was our beautiful baby boy. Our little blue beansprout.
A lot of people said to me 'don't you want a surprise?' I always replied with 'it's a surprise either way'. Whether you find out at the scan or wait until the baby is born, it's a surprise, just as special, and just as emotional.
So if you are undecided about finding out the sex, why not try Vicky's idea and seal it in an envelope? Or if, you really want to know then go for it! Knowing the sex of my baby allowed me to bond with the little boy growing in my belly. (And also meant daddy had to redecorate the spare room to be more suited for a boy! Pale pink just wasn't acceptable for my little blue beansprout). But not finding out, meant Vicky and Matt had an amazing surprise at the end, making those 9 months worth the wait.
Oh, and did I mention, I told Vicky she was having a girl all along?! I love being right ;)
Thursday, 8 May 2014
Guest Post // Miscarriage
Welcome,
Harriet, mama to two wonderful little boys Reuben and Tobias, is the blogger behind tobyandroo.com, a blog aimed at parents who want to know about all of the most innovative and stylish products on the market, along with parenting topics, recipes, crafting ideas and everything in between!
Here is Harriet's take on Miscarriage - a heartbreaking time for those who experience.
I keep forgetting.
I see a bunk bed and I think, ooh I must really sit down and decide what we are doing with the boys and sleeping arrangements before the baby comes.
I keep forgetting.
Stretching tops out to see if they will grow with me, if they will suit me later on, when I am the size of a small whale.
I keep forgetting.
So does everyone else you know. Time moves life on, friends ask when I'm coming back to work, other parents ask about parties for the boys, even my own husband asks me if I can just chill out, stop snapping and being so grumpy. He's tired too you know?!
I'm not moving with time though. I keep forgetting.
It's amazing how much you can plan in a matter of a few weeks, what you can dream for and what hopes you can put on this fragile existence. I spent hours silently wondering if this baby would be blonde like Toby or dark like Roo. Would he/she finally get my eyes o would I be destined to listen to 'oh my gosh, look at Daddy's perfect eyes, he look so like you Adam' again. No hair or hair? How would it affect Toby - middle child is always left out, they say, so we need to make sure that never happens. So many questions and no answers. There won't be any answers.
The trust is, I'm a less tolerant mother, a snappier wife and an ignorant daughter at the moment. I hide in the bath so I can cry, alone, because I feel alone and sad - everyone else is moving on. I dream that my boys are disappearing or hurt. I had a complete breakdown a few nights ago because I thought Roo was playing in his room while I took Toby out of the bath and he had disappeared off downstairs. I don't know what I thought had happened, but a panic settled over me and I couldn't find my baby boy. Silly things really.
I'm so angry with my husband for moving on and leaving me behind. I keep hearing (and saying) at least the boys are here, they bring such comfort. Do they? Sometimes. Other times I just can't understand why they are being so naughty - they had better grow out of that before the baby gets here. How will I cope with temper tantrums and a new baby?
I keep forgetting.
Today's Guest Post was written by Harriet, what a heartfelt and true honest post - you can view her blog here, Twitter here and BlogLovin here. If you would like to write a post for us, please contact via twitter or email thank you :)
Harriet, mama to two wonderful little boys Reuben and Tobias, is the blogger behind tobyandroo.com, a blog aimed at parents who want to know about all of the most innovative and stylish products on the market, along with parenting topics, recipes, crafting ideas and everything in between!
Here is Harriet's take on Miscarriage - a heartbreaking time for those who experience.
I keep forgetting.
I see a bunk bed and I think, ooh I must really sit down and decide what we are doing with the boys and sleeping arrangements before the baby comes.
I keep forgetting.
Stretching tops out to see if they will grow with me, if they will suit me later on, when I am the size of a small whale.
I keep forgetting.
So does everyone else you know. Time moves life on, friends ask when I'm coming back to work, other parents ask about parties for the boys, even my own husband asks me if I can just chill out, stop snapping and being so grumpy. He's tired too you know?!
I'm not moving with time though. I keep forgetting.
It's amazing how much you can plan in a matter of a few weeks, what you can dream for and what hopes you can put on this fragile existence. I spent hours silently wondering if this baby would be blonde like Toby or dark like Roo. Would he/she finally get my eyes o would I be destined to listen to 'oh my gosh, look at Daddy's perfect eyes, he look so like you Adam' again. No hair or hair? How would it affect Toby - middle child is always left out, they say, so we need to make sure that never happens. So many questions and no answers. There won't be any answers.
The trust is, I'm a less tolerant mother, a snappier wife and an ignorant daughter at the moment. I hide in the bath so I can cry, alone, because I feel alone and sad - everyone else is moving on. I dream that my boys are disappearing or hurt. I had a complete breakdown a few nights ago because I thought Roo was playing in his room while I took Toby out of the bath and he had disappeared off downstairs. I don't know what I thought had happened, but a panic settled over me and I couldn't find my baby boy. Silly things really.
I'm so angry with my husband for moving on and leaving me behind. I keep hearing (and saying) at least the boys are here, they bring such comfort. Do they? Sometimes. Other times I just can't understand why they are being so naughty - they had better grow out of that before the baby gets here. How will I cope with temper tantrums and a new baby?
I keep forgetting.
Thursday, 1 May 2014
Guest Post // Public Transport Courtesy
Welcome,
Public Transport - Does Common Courtesy Still Exist?
I recently spent a weekend in London supporting my husband who ran the London Marathon, immediately followed by 4 days in Paris for our last trip away before Baby C arrives. Quite an exciting few days really! My husband did really well in the marathon and we wearily but happily made our way around Paris and saw many of the spectacular sites on offer whilst sampling some delicious French food.
The point of this post, though, is to reflect upon what those six days in two major European cities - with all their hustle and bustle - were like for a six-month pregnant woman relying on public transport and tired feet to get around.
When we booked to go to Paris, a good few people recalled stories from their own trips there about the rudeness of the Parisians and how arrogant they generally were. I've come across far too many rude and arrogant English people in my time, so I do have a habit of being more than a little sarcastic if, say, I hold a door open for someone who then neglects to thank me or a shop assistant is too busy gossiping with his or her colleague at the tills to interact with me as the customer. I'm a red-head, what can I say?! With this in mind, I wasn't particularly fussed about experiencing rude French people and went with neutral expectations. To be honest, the same can be said for London really, given that only 6 months ago my cousin was complaining that, at 8 months pregnant, she was rarely offered a seat on the bus in London.
So what were my experiences? I'll start with London. Our capital city is a vast, sprawling mixture of architecture, culture, history, tourism, business and pretty much anything else that could be thrown into the melting pot. People walk, run, cycle, taxi, drive, bus and train to their own personal, hectic schedule and this can often give out an aura of selfishness as busy people put their heads down and move on with their busy lives.
Maybe the difference was marathon day, maybe it was my rather large 28 week bump, maybe it was a bit of both, but as I travelled around on what must be one of London's busiest weekends of the year I experienced what can only be described as common courtesy. People chatted to me about bump, smiled as they walked by and offered me their seats on the crowded underground as I made my way around the city to cheer my darling husband through his 26 mile journey. One girl, who looked on the surface to be quite young, arrogant and drunk, transpired to be friendly, observant and lovely to chat to - Appearances can be very, very deceiving!
What about those rude Parisians though? Surely they're live up to their English-hating stereotype and choose to throw me off of the metro ahead of offer me a seat? Actually, no! Phil and I took at least 4 or 5 metro trips per day, plus the odd train and bus ride. On every journey I was offered a seat if one wasn't immediately available. With a grateful "Merci" (Because by then I was ready to sleep for a month!) politeness and respect managed to overcome any language barriers and give my tired, achy feet and hips a well-needed rest between the walking.
There was one metro ride in Paris, on a very busy carriage, where Phil and I only just managed to jump(!) on board before the doors closed. In the rush, nobody could possibly have been expected to notice bump and I was happy to squeeze into a safe corner on the opposite side from the doors. As the train emptied slightly, one lady who was standing noticed me also standing and when a seat became available, she guarded it with her life and called me over. She did then proceed to tell all the other passengers off for not giving up their seats for me; This caused me great embarrassment because I was fully aware that few could have seen my pregnant state, but I thought again how lovely it was to experience the kindness of strangers.
I'm an independent person, always have been, but I am accepting that my mobility, energy and capacity for standing for long periods aren't what they used to be. If I was sat on a bus or train in my current bumpy state and saw someone in greater need, I would stand and offer them my seat in an instant. But recent experience has made me think that actually, I probably wouldn't need to because others who are more mobile and less tired than myself would probably offer too.
I know there are rude people out there, I've experienced them in many guises and situations, but as much as I often proclaim to dislike the general public (as a collective, you understand!), I must say that last week mellowed my attitude slightly. Maybe this isn't such a terribly inpolite world after all.
What do you think? Have you had particularly positive or negative experiences whilst pregnant or in need of assistance? Let me know your thoughts and thanks for reading.
Today's Guest Post was written by Hannah, what a fab post and great to see the comparison of two different major cities - you can view her blog here, Twitter here and BlogLovin here. If you would like to write a post for us, please contact via twitter or email thank you :)
Public Transport - Does Common Courtesy Still Exist?
I recently spent a weekend in London supporting my husband who ran the London Marathon, immediately followed by 4 days in Paris for our last trip away before Baby C arrives. Quite an exciting few days really! My husband did really well in the marathon and we wearily but happily made our way around Paris and saw many of the spectacular sites on offer whilst sampling some delicious French food.
The point of this post, though, is to reflect upon what those six days in two major European cities - with all their hustle and bustle - were like for a six-month pregnant woman relying on public transport and tired feet to get around.
When we booked to go to Paris, a good few people recalled stories from their own trips there about the rudeness of the Parisians and how arrogant they generally were. I've come across far too many rude and arrogant English people in my time, so I do have a habit of being more than a little sarcastic if, say, I hold a door open for someone who then neglects to thank me or a shop assistant is too busy gossiping with his or her colleague at the tills to interact with me as the customer. I'm a red-head, what can I say?! With this in mind, I wasn't particularly fussed about experiencing rude French people and went with neutral expectations. To be honest, the same can be said for London really, given that only 6 months ago my cousin was complaining that, at 8 months pregnant, she was rarely offered a seat on the bus in London.
So what were my experiences? I'll start with London. Our capital city is a vast, sprawling mixture of architecture, culture, history, tourism, business and pretty much anything else that could be thrown into the melting pot. People walk, run, cycle, taxi, drive, bus and train to their own personal, hectic schedule and this can often give out an aura of selfishness as busy people put their heads down and move on with their busy lives.
Maybe the difference was marathon day, maybe it was my rather large 28 week bump, maybe it was a bit of both, but as I travelled around on what must be one of London's busiest weekends of the year I experienced what can only be described as common courtesy. People chatted to me about bump, smiled as they walked by and offered me their seats on the crowded underground as I made my way around the city to cheer my darling husband through his 26 mile journey. One girl, who looked on the surface to be quite young, arrogant and drunk, transpired to be friendly, observant and lovely to chat to - Appearances can be very, very deceiving!
What about those rude Parisians though? Surely they're live up to their English-hating stereotype and choose to throw me off of the metro ahead of offer me a seat? Actually, no! Phil and I took at least 4 or 5 metro trips per day, plus the odd train and bus ride. On every journey I was offered a seat if one wasn't immediately available. With a grateful "Merci" (Because by then I was ready to sleep for a month!) politeness and respect managed to overcome any language barriers and give my tired, achy feet and hips a well-needed rest between the walking.
There was one metro ride in Paris, on a very busy carriage, where Phil and I only just managed to jump(!) on board before the doors closed. In the rush, nobody could possibly have been expected to notice bump and I was happy to squeeze into a safe corner on the opposite side from the doors. As the train emptied slightly, one lady who was standing noticed me also standing and when a seat became available, she guarded it with her life and called me over. She did then proceed to tell all the other passengers off for not giving up their seats for me; This caused me great embarrassment because I was fully aware that few could have seen my pregnant state, but I thought again how lovely it was to experience the kindness of strangers.
I'm an independent person, always have been, but I am accepting that my mobility, energy and capacity for standing for long periods aren't what they used to be. If I was sat on a bus or train in my current bumpy state and saw someone in greater need, I would stand and offer them my seat in an instant. But recent experience has made me think that actually, I probably wouldn't need to because others who are more mobile and less tired than myself would probably offer too.
I know there are rude people out there, I've experienced them in many guises and situations, but as much as I often proclaim to dislike the general public (as a collective, you understand!), I must say that last week mellowed my attitude slightly. Maybe this isn't such a terribly inpolite world after all.
What do you think? Have you had particularly positive or negative experiences whilst pregnant or in need of assistance? Let me know your thoughts and thanks for reading.
Sunday, 27 April 2014
Guest Post // How Many Is Enough?
Welcome,
In this world of dual-income families with 1.86 children, I am treated a little strangely by most people for even considering ‘more’ children. I think it would be OK if I lived in America. In the States, I would be considered normal – particularly if I already had 4 sets of multiples and was homeschooling them (now that, I would NOT want to do).
The truth is I do already have three children aged 5, 3 and 4 months. With such a little baby – my husband and family think I must be hormonally deluded to consider wanting more but deep down I always wanted 4. Actually, I can vividly remember writing down the names for my EIGHT children that I thought I’d have when I was about 14. Thankfully, I’ve since realised having EIGHT would be crazy and have moved away from the names Odette and Poppy-Lou. I do, however love to watch any programmes about large familes and admire in awe…… 16 Kids and Counting, The Duggars, John and Kate, The Waltons (as in the sextuplets or both programmes actually!) – I love them all.
Now, given I’ve lowered my estimations – I think my request for 4 is totally reasonable. My husband doesn’t agree. Why on earth would I want more? More Noise, More Mess, More Laundry, More Stress…………………
I think the truth is I just can’t fathom that the ‘baby making’ part of my life is over, I always wanted a family surrounded by chaos and noise and wanted them to have lots of brothers and sisters to play with. However, also in my dreams was a very large garden for them to meander about in and climb treehouses and make dens and a perfectly tidy house and a lovely large dining table. Our garden and dining table and house would be a squeeze with 4 children *sigh*.
I think I will regret not having just one more but nobody seriously regrets having children – do they? I once met a lady who had two and constantly talked about how she wanted three. She was bitter and saddened and I don’t want to be that lady.
It’s not that my life with three children is a peaceful haven of calm. Last night, I had to throw away one of my children’s Easter eggs because they wouldn’t go to bed and If I’m being honest, it’s a constant struggle to be the kind of mum my kids deserve. Most days, I’m making a ton of mistakes. But when life with little ones feels too crazy, I am trying to perfect the epiphany moment. The moment when I remember that these fussy toddlers and high maintenance babies will become real people, with real jobs and their own families and that makes their little ‘quirks’ (such as refusing to put their shoes on the right feet……..) seem easier to manage. Right now my kids are 5,3 and 4 months and if I had another one any time soon, that would be 4 under 6. However, when they are 10,7 and 5 – things will be different and when they are 25, 23 and 20 – even more so. I prefer to think of the gains later than the stress I’m knee deep in now.
So what is the right number of children to have? If you have just one child, people consider that a little odd. They worry that the child will turn out to be an over-confident-around-adults-kind-of-wierdo who does not know how to share with others. If you have two, you’re ordinary and possibly have managed to perfect the work-life-child-centered-adult-time balance. But then people expect you to be perfect all the time. With 3 kids, you’re still considered normal but you have more stress
and no one feels sorry for you. But if you have FOUR children, then you have a free pass for everything!
If your house is messy – don’t worry, you have 4 kids! (and if it’s clean – even better because people then think you are a domestic goddess!) Your clothes don’t match, your roots are showing, you’re a little on the tubby side – don’t worry! Who expects you to have any time to look after yourself when you have 4 little ones?
So, I’ve been thinking. How do you know when you’re done having kids? Do you just wake up one morning and realise the urge to procreate is gone? Or is it a slow, steady trickle of daily realisations? Here is my compilation of the inklings that let you know you’re done with all this baby-making lark.
1. You become super excited by selling all your baby stuff on EBay and watch avidly for the money to come rolling in.
2. You buy a dog and call it that ‘perfect baby name’ you’d been saving.
3. You are excited by the prospect of your kids growing up and becoming more self-sufficient. You’ve even written a bucket list for the ‘child-free’ days.
4. You’re literally throwing the car seats out of the car and dreaming of a sports car.
5. When someone announces they’re pregnant at work, you offer your commiserations.
6. You use 3 forms of birth control…..just to be safe.
7. You practically push your youngest child into school on their first day: “yes, you’ll love it…you really will” and skip down the road without looking back.
8. You can hold a newborn and easily pass it back to its mother when offered a glass of wine.
9. You ask to be re-seated when you’re placed next to a family with toddlers in a restaurant.
10. In the supermarket, you look on with sympathy at the sleep-deprived parents in the nappy aisle.
And as for me? Unfortunately for my husband, I can’t identify with any of these just yet. I’m toying between feeling that we have too much chaos in our lives and wanting to add a little more. As one mum said to me “Don’t plan how many children you want based on the nappies and the sleepless nights. Think instead, about how full you want the Thanksgiving table.”
Today's Guest Post was written by Jemma, what a great post and a very new blogger so be sure to check her out and say hello - you can view her blog here, Twitter here and BlogLovin here. If you would like to write a post for us, please contact via twitter or email thank you :)
In this world of dual-income families with 1.86 children, I am treated a little strangely by most people for even considering ‘more’ children. I think it would be OK if I lived in America. In the States, I would be considered normal – particularly if I already had 4 sets of multiples and was homeschooling them (now that, I would NOT want to do).
The truth is I do already have three children aged 5, 3 and 4 months. With such a little baby – my husband and family think I must be hormonally deluded to consider wanting more but deep down I always wanted 4. Actually, I can vividly remember writing down the names for my EIGHT children that I thought I’d have when I was about 14. Thankfully, I’ve since realised having EIGHT would be crazy and have moved away from the names Odette and Poppy-Lou. I do, however love to watch any programmes about large familes and admire in awe…… 16 Kids and Counting, The Duggars, John and Kate, The Waltons (as in the sextuplets or both programmes actually!) – I love them all.
Now, given I’ve lowered my estimations – I think my request for 4 is totally reasonable. My husband doesn’t agree. Why on earth would I want more? More Noise, More Mess, More Laundry, More Stress…………………
I think the truth is I just can’t fathom that the ‘baby making’ part of my life is over, I always wanted a family surrounded by chaos and noise and wanted them to have lots of brothers and sisters to play with. However, also in my dreams was a very large garden for them to meander about in and climb treehouses and make dens and a perfectly tidy house and a lovely large dining table. Our garden and dining table and house would be a squeeze with 4 children *sigh*.
I think I will regret not having just one more but nobody seriously regrets having children – do they? I once met a lady who had two and constantly talked about how she wanted three. She was bitter and saddened and I don’t want to be that lady.
It’s not that my life with three children is a peaceful haven of calm. Last night, I had to throw away one of my children’s Easter eggs because they wouldn’t go to bed and If I’m being honest, it’s a constant struggle to be the kind of mum my kids deserve. Most days, I’m making a ton of mistakes. But when life with little ones feels too crazy, I am trying to perfect the epiphany moment. The moment when I remember that these fussy toddlers and high maintenance babies will become real people, with real jobs and their own families and that makes their little ‘quirks’ (such as refusing to put their shoes on the right feet……..) seem easier to manage. Right now my kids are 5,3 and 4 months and if I had another one any time soon, that would be 4 under 6. However, when they are 10,7 and 5 – things will be different and when they are 25, 23 and 20 – even more so. I prefer to think of the gains later than the stress I’m knee deep in now.
So what is the right number of children to have? If you have just one child, people consider that a little odd. They worry that the child will turn out to be an over-confident-around-adults-kind-of-wierdo who does not know how to share with others. If you have two, you’re ordinary and possibly have managed to perfect the work-life-child-centered-adult-time balance. But then people expect you to be perfect all the time. With 3 kids, you’re still considered normal but you have more stress
and no one feels sorry for you. But if you have FOUR children, then you have a free pass for everything!
If your house is messy – don’t worry, you have 4 kids! (and if it’s clean – even better because people then think you are a domestic goddess!) Your clothes don’t match, your roots are showing, you’re a little on the tubby side – don’t worry! Who expects you to have any time to look after yourself when you have 4 little ones?
So, I’ve been thinking. How do you know when you’re done having kids? Do you just wake up one morning and realise the urge to procreate is gone? Or is it a slow, steady trickle of daily realisations? Here is my compilation of the inklings that let you know you’re done with all this baby-making lark.
1. You become super excited by selling all your baby stuff on EBay and watch avidly for the money to come rolling in.
2. You buy a dog and call it that ‘perfect baby name’ you’d been saving.
3. You are excited by the prospect of your kids growing up and becoming more self-sufficient. You’ve even written a bucket list for the ‘child-free’ days.
4. You’re literally throwing the car seats out of the car and dreaming of a sports car.
5. When someone announces they’re pregnant at work, you offer your commiserations.
6. You use 3 forms of birth control…..just to be safe.
7. You practically push your youngest child into school on their first day: “yes, you’ll love it…you really will” and skip down the road without looking back.
8. You can hold a newborn and easily pass it back to its mother when offered a glass of wine.
9. You ask to be re-seated when you’re placed next to a family with toddlers in a restaurant.
10. In the supermarket, you look on with sympathy at the sleep-deprived parents in the nappy aisle.
And as for me? Unfortunately for my husband, I can’t identify with any of these just yet. I’m toying between feeling that we have too much chaos in our lives and wanting to add a little more. As one mum said to me “Don’t plan how many children you want based on the nappies and the sleepless nights. Think instead, about how full you want the Thanksgiving table.”
Thursday, 24 April 2014
Guest Post // Baby Shower
Welcome,
I watch quite a lot of reality TV programs especially ones with babies involved such as Teen Mom. They are always throwing the most amazing (and to be honest quite over the top) baby showers. They are becoming much more popular over here in the UK now so when I was pregnant I knew I wanted one.
I didn't want anything over the top, I don't think they should be about getting a crazy amount of gifts, it's more about enjoying your bump with family and friends! My sister took on the roll of host and planned it all for me which I think is a much better idea, as I had so much more on my mind by then.
It was planned for one afternoon when I was 33 weeks pregnant. This might seem quite early but I think it worked out okay, as I had my energy and wasn't too much of a whale by then haha. I only had close friends and family as again I didn't want an over the top affair, I just wanted to celebrate with those I was closest too.
My sister purchased the decorations from Ebay, they have a great selection of both boy and girl designs and low prices. She had hosted my sister's baby shower for my nephew so decided to get the girl version of those decorations which I thought was a cute touch. She also provided a great spread of food, because what's a party without a few party rings haha!
We began by opening the gifts. We were so grateful for everything we received, as we didn't expect anything! There was so much pink and girly bits, I think Jack felt a bit girly surrounded by it all haha. It was great having him there with me though, as I think it was a celebration for us not just me.
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We then played a few baby shower games; this was by far the best part of the evening! The first game was the nappy challenge. Laura bought a selection of chocolate bars and then melted them down inside nappies.. you can guess what they looked like haha! We then had to smell/taste to guess what the chocolate bar was. It was so funny watching everyone licking the nappies as the contents did look pretty gross (especially the snickers as it had bits in it.. ewww!).
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Next was the baby food challenge. Again Laura has pre-brought some baby food jars without us knowing. Without looking we had to taste to guess what the flavour was. They tasted horrific, I can't believe babies actually like them haha. I know they were cold but they just tasted like mush, with the weirdest flavours. The funniest bit was when Jack actually finished one of the jars.. crazy boy!
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I had an amazing time, and would definitely recommend that everyone had a baby shower. It's a relaxing time and it took my mind off waiting for little miss to arrive.. well for that evening anyway!
Today's Guest Post was written by Emily, our very first guest poster - you can view her fab blog here, Twitter here and BlogLovin here. If you would like to write a post for us, please contact via twitter or email thank you :)
I watch quite a lot of reality TV programs especially ones with babies involved such as Teen Mom. They are always throwing the most amazing (and to be honest quite over the top) baby showers. They are becoming much more popular over here in the UK now so when I was pregnant I knew I wanted one.
I didn't want anything over the top, I don't think they should be about getting a crazy amount of gifts, it's more about enjoying your bump with family and friends! My sister took on the roll of host and planned it all for me which I think is a much better idea, as I had so much more on my mind by then.
It was planned for one afternoon when I was 33 weeks pregnant. This might seem quite early but I think it worked out okay, as I had my energy and wasn't too much of a whale by then haha. I only had close friends and family as again I didn't want an over the top affair, I just wanted to celebrate with those I was closest too.
My sister purchased the decorations from Ebay, they have a great selection of both boy and girl designs and low prices. She had hosted my sister's baby shower for my nephew so decided to get the girl version of those decorations which I thought was a cute touch. She also provided a great spread of food, because what's a party without a few party rings haha!
We began by opening the gifts. We were so grateful for everything we received, as we didn't expect anything! There was so much pink and girly bits, I think Jack felt a bit girly surrounded by it all haha. It was great having him there with me though, as I think it was a celebration for us not just me.
.JPG)
We then played a few baby shower games; this was by far the best part of the evening! The first game was the nappy challenge. Laura bought a selection of chocolate bars and then melted them down inside nappies.. you can guess what they looked like haha! We then had to smell/taste to guess what the chocolate bar was. It was so funny watching everyone licking the nappies as the contents did look pretty gross (especially the snickers as it had bits in it.. ewww!).
.JPG)
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Next was the baby food challenge. Again Laura has pre-brought some baby food jars without us knowing. Without looking we had to taste to guess what the flavour was. They tasted horrific, I can't believe babies actually like them haha. I know they were cold but they just tasted like mush, with the weirdest flavours. The funniest bit was when Jack actually finished one of the jars.. crazy boy!
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I had an amazing time, and would definitely recommend that everyone had a baby shower. It's a relaxing time and it took my mind off waiting for little miss to arrive.. well for that evening anyway!
