Guest Post // Miscarriage

Welcome,

Harriet, mama to two wonderful little boys Reuben and Tobias, is the blogger behind tobyandroo.com, a blog aimed at parents who want to know about all of the most innovative and stylish products on the market, along with parenting topics, recipes, crafting ideas and everything in between! 

Here is Harriet's take on Miscarriage - a heartbreaking time for those who experience.

I keep forgetting.

I see a bunk bed and I think, ooh I must really sit down and decide what we are doing with the boys and sleeping arrangements before the baby comes.

I keep forgetting.

Stretching tops out to see if they will grow with me, if they will suit me later on, when I am the size of a small whale.

I keep forgetting.

So does everyone else you know. Time moves life on, friends ask when I'm coming back to work, other parents ask about parties for the boys, even my own husband asks me if I can just chill out, stop snapping and being so grumpy. He's tired too you know?!

I'm not moving with time though. I keep forgetting.

It's amazing how much you can plan in a matter of a few weeks, what you can dream for and what hopes you can put on this fragile existence. I spent hours silently wondering if this baby would be blonde like Toby or dark like Roo. Would he/she finally get my eyes o would I be destined to listen to 'oh my gosh, look at Daddy's perfect eyes, he look so like you Adam' again. No hair or hair? How would it affect Toby - middle child is always left out, they say, so we need to make sure that never happens. So many questions and no answers. There won't be any answers.

The trust is, I'm a less tolerant mother, a snappier wife and an ignorant daughter at the moment. I hide in the bath so I can cry, alone, because I feel alone and sad - everyone else is moving on. I dream that my boys are disappearing or hurt. I had a complete breakdown a few nights ago because I thought Roo was playing in his room while I took Toby out of the bath and he had disappeared off downstairs. I don't know what I thought had happened, but a panic settled over me and I couldn't find my baby boy. Silly things really.

I'm so angry with my husband for moving on and leaving me behind. I keep hearing (and saying) at least the boys are here, they bring such comfort. Do they? Sometimes. Other times I just can't understand why they are being so naughty - they had better grow out of that before the baby gets here. How will I cope with temper tantrums and a new baby?

I keep forgetting.

Today's Guest Post was written by Harriet, what a heartfelt and true honest post - you can view her blog here, Twitter here and BlogLovin here. If you would like to write a post for us, please contact via twitter or email thank you :)